I'm talking about my loss of one of the most wonderful, generous and compassionate women I've grown to know, my Lola Laling.
December 8, 2010
This tragedy started first week of December. My sister and I were two weeks away from taking the nursing liscensure exam. My mom called that my Lola was admitted to the hospital back in our hometown. But Mama said there's nothing to worry about, Lola just had difficulty in breathing. She had that twice before and she ended up being admitted to the hospital on both occassions. I didn't panic, a little worried though. In my head I kept saying that she's gonna be alright. She's as strong as a warrior. I admired her strength throughout her years. My Lolo died at a young age and my Lola, aged 35 at that time, raised her six children on her own and I say she did a damn good job.
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| Lola, Monique and I at a historical house in Bohol. |
December 15, 2010
A week before our feared-and-dreaded board exam, Mama called saying that my Lola is in a car coming here in Davao with my Uncle Dodong and Aunt Julie. She was referred to be admitted in a Cardiac Care Unit because her heart is having problems circulating blood throughout her body. At this time, I'm starting to really get worried. I asked a lot of questions about her medical status which my Uncle untiringly answered. BUT I never went to the hospital to visit her. I know she might feel bad because I did not visit her.
I'm sorry La for not visiting you. It's just that the board exam and its outcome is very important in realizing my goals in life. And I want to focus my attention on it. I now realize how selfish I am of not sparing time for you and I'm really sorry.
December 20, 2010
Right after the exams were through on the second day, Monique and I immediately went to the hospital to visit her. I was glad to learn that she was already transferred to a private room because her vital signs are showing a little stability. When I first saw her, she looked very tired and powerless, yet she struggled a smile whenever I try to make her laugh, joked around her about getting well so that we can go out and get boyfriends and convincing her that everything is going to be alright. I was happy that she is looking albeit better yet I can clearly see pain through her smiling eyes. And I felt the pain too. I tried so hard to make her laugh that it is starting to be painful seeing her so weak and a slave to her medications and physicians.
I even remembered that one time when she told me this:
"Chie, naa ko'y kwarta sa bangko. Ako na to ihatag sa imo ug kang Shobe (Monique). Daghan tong kwarta na to. Pwede na mo na dili magtrabaho. Tabangi nalang ninyo si Mama ninyo sa tindahan."
(Chie, I have money in the bank. I will give it to you and Monique. The money is plenty enough that you won't need to get a job. I prefer you to help your Mom with your business.)
After she said this to me, I got mad at her.
Why is she saying these things? Why does she think that she would be leaving us soon? Why is she showing weakness and isn't fighting back?
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| Be strong Lola. Keep on praying with us. |
It was days before Christmas yet Lola is making only tiny steps of progress. Her physician told us that there is a great possibility that she won't be well enough to go home and celebrate Christmas with us. That was sad. But to make matters worst, at 9 o'clock in the morning of Christmas Day, when everyone was still soundly asleep, my Uncle called my Mom and blurts in panic that Lola had a cardiac arrest. As narrated by my Uncle, 14 doctors swarmed around her, did a million of things and did it all so fast, and due to the shrieking and squealing because of pain, my Lola looked and sounded like a slaughtered pig. This vision gave chills to my Uncle and he was ever so scared that it would be his last vision of my Lola.
Lola was brought back to the Cardiac Care Unit. After that heart attack, almost every vital organ in her slowly faltered. Her lungs had water, her liver started to inflame, her kidneys failing and creatinine levels frenzied and God-knows-what-more went crazy. We were extremely sad and devastated.
January 6, 2011
Everyday, we visit her. My Aunt Gaga from Los Angeles went home to see her. She was already intubated during the resuscitation. Monique and I went inside the unit together. We would give her a massage, turn her from time to time, checked her IV fluids and levels. We were trying so hard to utilize everything we know hoping that somehow we could help Lola get well.
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| Aunt Gaga and Lola Laling. |
As each day passed, a new procedure is added to her aleady-piled-up routine. Dialysis, blood transfusions, ECG, 2D-ech0, you name it and Lola's physicians had the test runned for her. And everyday we saw her getting weaker and sicker, the vision of someone who is on the verge of falling. But Lola tried her best to hold on. We visit her, encouraged her to hold on and be strong. For us.
January 10, 2011
Due to Lola's failing health, Aunt Gaga asked her children from LA to go home and pay Lola a visit. They arrived around 2pm and stayed in the apartment to get a little rest and prepare to visit Lola. Uncle Dodong said that Lola was still in the Dialysis Room. At around 4pm, we were eating pizza and catching up with cousins, the phone rung. I answered and the guy on the phone informed us that Lola's heart has stopped beating. I thought mine did too, for a moment. I felt really sad and hurt. But at exactly the same time, I felt stoned. I didn't want to believe that she has left us, that she's no longer with us and that it was possible to live without her. At once, all of us wanted to fly to the hospital and hug her and be with her.
To be continued. I'm sorry for the very looooong entry. Too much emotions dwelling in here.
Thanks for taking the time to read.
